Denver Catholic

23 DENVER CATHOLIC | AUGUST 28-SEPTEMBER 7, 2018 Basking in the seasons of life W hen swim practices draw to a close and the kids hang up their suits and towels, I know that summertime is, o¨cially, winding down. Typ- ically, I spend the season in denial that packing lunches and hunting for small, matching socks is on the horizon. Because when you're sitting by the pool, or relaxing at the park, it's easy to believe that the lazy days and warm evenings might just actually last forever. The teenag- ers spread around my house reading or playing Monopoly for hours tell the same story. But the reality of course is that with the coming of August comes the frenzy of purchasing mountains of school supplies, an assortment of new shoes (some number of which will eventually go missing), and, for us anyway, school uniforms. (Thank goodness for uniforms, which really ought to be standard issue for all schools — if for no other reason than to preserve a mother's sanity!) It's time to look ahead to the next year, even as we soak up the very last drops of sweet, sticky lemonade and slowly melting ice cream. There is something very right, I've always felt, about the changing of seasons — particularly since becom- ing Catholic nearly seven years ago. We have the natural seasons of the year, of course, one of my favorite things about Colorado. Then we have the liturgical seasons of the Church, which I've discovered are truly essen- tial to the flourishing of a soul. And then there are the seasons of parent- ing, of marriage, and of life in general. Winters and springs, summers and falls, one season giving way to the next. It is, I think, one of God's greatest gifts to us. I've especially been pondering the concept of seasons lately, and not just because the aforementioned start of the school year is lamentably right around the corner. I'm currently pregnant with our tenth child (my sixth biological, as we have four adopted children too), while simultaneously also having three teenagers in my home. This delightfully strange phase of moth- erhood has found me reflecting upon the laughable sort of season that I'm in — babies and sippy cups right alongside teen dramas and the begin- ning of high school transcripts. Gone are the years of early bedtimes for all (why, oh why, do teens want to stay up so late?), when the hardest question I'd have to answer all day was whether or not a child could have more animal crackers with her milk. I still have those sweet and simple little requests to be sure, but I appreciate them more now because I'm navigating the more complicated stu , too. The culture tells us, it seems, that motherhood is supposed to be a rel- atively short season. People are sur- prised to discover, for example, that my high-school-bound daughter has a younger two-year-old sister, or that my 13-year-old twin sons are over- the-moon excited to welcome their very first baby brother at the end of November. The notion that a husband and wife might move through di er- ent seasons while continuing to wel- come children — whether biological, adopted, or foster — is rather foreign these days. But there are gifts and joys to be found in moving through the seasons as a family. Even the more di¨cult ones. Regardless of how it looks or plays out for each individual, we know that Jesus wants our "yes" every single day. That "yes" looked admit- tedly di erent when I was giving birth to our oldest at age 22, when I was 24 and flying home with our newly adopted twin sons, and in the years when we su ered each of our three miscarriages. And it looks dif- ferent now, at the ripe old "advanced maternal age" of 37, when I'm preg- nant with what will be, amazingly, our tenth child. There are no guarantees that any new season will go just as expected. Every phase, every series of days, weeks, months, or even years has its own challenges and sorrows. And God will be faithful to use them, for our good and our sanctification, if only we are open. So rather than looking at a season and worrying or pining for the good old days of the past — whether facing a new school year or job, or a brand- new phase of parenting — we can move forward with hope and with faith. God gives us seasons for our own good, in order that we might learn, change and grow. Some seasons may be harder than others, and some may seem more like a fruitless desert than anything else, but that's how it is with seasons. They stretch us. They demand change. They bring forth new life. As lovely as summer is, it is time to look towards the fall. This upcoming year I'll have kids spread across three di erent schools — four, if you count the ones being educated at home. Then there are the sports, the parish activities, and oh yes, the new baby coming in November! We are, admit- tedly, in a very full and fast-moving season right now, not soon to slow down. It's a season strangely marked by everything from devising a birth plan, to working a side-hustle as a freelance writer, to helping a daugh- ter navigate the beginnings of high school. My prayer as a mother is to above all remain rooted steadfast in my faith, with eyes open wide enough to see the beauty, gifts, and opportu- nities for growth that God is sure to give me — even in this mixed-up, love- filled, and quickly fleeting season. Guest Column Brianna Heldt is a Catholic writer, speaker and podcaster. Her work has appeared in various print and online publications. BRIANNA HELDT perspective, pointing to "a massive transfer of authority from parents to kids" (7). Symptoms of this transfer include disrespect toward parents, child obesity, addiction to technology and video games, declining success in education, resorting to medication to control behavior, and emotional fragil- ity. Although parents desire happiness and success for their children, Sax points out that they have overlooked the number one factor needed for their realization: self-control. Only by teaching our children habits of disci- pline can they develop the emotional control and work ethic needed for per- sonal fulfillment. Sax, therefore, encourages parents to reassume control of the home by setting and enforcing clear rules to govern behavior. Providing these boundaries and encouraging virtue provides the training necessary for becoming a rightly ordered adult. Avoiding the extremes of authoritar- ianism and an anything-goes mental- ity, "'just right' parents communicate their love for their child, but they also enforce rules fairly and consistently" (141). Despite the fears of many par- ents, parental authority promotes stronger relationships in the family and helps children take on greater responsibility both inside and outside of the home. Sax provides more details on how parents can establish a healthy rela- tionship with their children: "The benefits of parental authority are substantial. When parents matter more than peers, they can teach right and wrong in a meaningful way. They can prioritize attachments within the family over attachments with same-age peers. They can foster better relationships with their child and other adults. They can help their child develop a more robust and more authentic sense of self, grounded not in how many 'likes' a photo gets on Instagram or Facebook but in the child's truest nature. They can educate desire, instilling a longing for higher and better things, in music, in the arts, and in one's own character" (24). Par- ents have more influence than anyone else on the emotional and spiritual development of their children. Using this influence well helps parents be the primary educators in helping children "prepare for life," being rooted in a loving relationship and forming the character needed for true success and fulfillment (189). Parents should not be passive before the great changes in child behavior shaped by technology. We can exercise loving control over how our children develop by encouraging them to rediscover person-to-person relationships, exercising discipline in using technology and in other areas, and by inspiring them to experience and cherish what is most important: a life rooted in truth, goodness and beauty.

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