February '13

For the Business of Apparel Decorating

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Last Laugh by Dan Danbom |||| New Home Furnishings I t is right and just that we pause in our daily hubbub to recognize the advancements made by those who build housing developments and those who fill them with Dan Danbom is a former speech-writer and communication manager furnishings. Mostly, I'm in awe of how they name things. I whose freelance work has been published worldwide. His book reviews realized this the last time I had to shop for furniture. We were for a number of publications have motivated thousands to give up looking for a couch or loveseat for our basement. As we were reading. Nonetheless, he continues to write and is also a principal in telling Hi I'm Ed what we were looking for, he asked "Is this Danbom & Sons Books, an online bookstore headquartered in Denver. for a media center?" My wife and I looked at each other blankly, as neither of us is particularly proud to admit that we don't know what a media center is. "Well," I said, "there's best for your room just in case you have an a TV in the room. And a phone." irrational fear of tape measures. Ed then declared us indeed to be in possession of a media room and took us on a tour of But then I realized that new houses are media-center-appropriate furniture. I used to think that the TV tray was furniture's concession immense, too. You go visit new houses, to the television age, but I quickly learned that the TV tray went the way of "I Love Lucy." and you'll discover that there is no longer a Today, you can get coffee tables whose tops swing up to provide a waist-high table/trough so "living room." This has been replaced by a that you don't even need a dining room table, much less a dining room. The lowly TV stand "great room," which is appropriate for your has morphed into boxcar-sized "home entertainment centers" that have specially-designed next ball. The "office" is now a "study," and shelves for a television, a VCR, DVR, BluRay,LSD, a CD player, speakers, DVD and CD the "bedroom" is now a "master suite." The storage, which means that if he were really muscular, a burglar could steal but one piece of room in our house that Hi I'm Ed called furniture from your house and fence it for $8,000. our "media center" used to be the "rumpus But the piece of furniture that left us slack-jawed was a sectional into which is built a Slothful room," but that term has fallen into disuse Boy recliner. Next to the recliner is a DVD and CD player, which sits above a remote-control among homebuilders and now applies only garage. Also within reach of the recliner's occupant is a small refrigerator built-in under a to Slothful Boy features. cushion, naturally, so that you don't have to get up for a fresh beverage and risk missing a new The homebuilders have fashionable commercial. names as well. No one today would name This would be the perfect furniture environment for the extreme television lover if it had a development as they were named in the just one more feature, so I asked Hi I'm Ed, "Where is the bodily discharge portal?" I figured past: Montclair or Mayfair, Highlands or anyone too lazy to go to the refrigerator for another beer would certainly be too lazy to go to Globeville. The chair in the basement in the bathroom just because they had to go. Ed moved some cushions around looking for the Globeville is as dead as The Cul de Sacs at portal and was clearly disappointed that the manufacturer hadn't thought of this. Wait until Pointe Barren. next year…. Now they call developments names like I was also amazed at the sheer scale of new furniture. It's huge, as if furniture-makers have "Stonegate," which connotes primitive concluded that we furniture-buyers are immense. Televisions have taken immensity to new suburbanites, or "Weatherstone," which frontiers, too, with one local electronics store now offering to tell you what size TV would be connotes intelligent rocks. Today, you'd be hard-pressed to find any new development that didn't include "village, estates, meadows, pines, hills, park, run, aspen, tree, creek, ranch, ridge, vistas, moor, bridge, heights, or knolls," so you get developments named "The Meadows at Village Vistas" or "The Park at Tree Ranch Ridge" or "The Hills at the Knolls," but never "The Dirt Lawns at the Outskirts." That would be like calling a recliner a Lazy Boy. And nobody likes truth in advertising. pw 96 | Printwear PW_FEB13.indd 96 February 2013 1/18/13 10:32 AM

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