Denver Catholic

2 FEBRUARY 8-21, 2020 | DENVER CATHOLIC Archbishop's Page Archbishop's Column Most Rev. Samuel J. Aquila PHOTO OF THE WEEK ARCHBISHOP'S SCHEDULE FEB. 22: Transitional Diaconate Ordination, Cathedral Basilica of the Immaculate Conception, Denver (10 a.m.) FEB. 23: Confi rmation Mass, Notre Dame, Denver (3 p.m.) @ArchbishopDen Jan. 27 Yesterday celebrated the #LunarNewYear2020 with #QueenofVietnameseMartyrs Parish. Help all people come to love through your Word! +sja Building marriages that last a lifetime O ur culture talks a lot about marriage tragedies but not enough about successes. In the checkout line at the grocery store, on TV shows and in the news, we hear about celebrities whose marriages are falling apart. But why don't we hear more about marriage successes? I am always edifi ed by the couples at our annual marriage anniversary Masses who are celebrating 50, 60 or even 70 years of marriage. They are a real sign of what the Lord desires for marriage. A realistic look at the state of Cath- olic marriages shows that some cou- ples who marry in the Church strug- gle because they didn't receive a good foundation, or they never addressed underlying personal problems. To help address this, the Church observes National Marriage Week, Feb. 7-14. I am dedicating this column to highlighting this celebration, the resources it provides and to o‰ ering some advice to couples from my expe- rience as a pastor. Over the years of accompanying married couples, there are at least three characteristics that stand out to me. Couples who have strong marriages are those who place faith fi rst, seek to selfl essly serve their spouse and extend forgiveness often. The order of these characteristics is important, since they fl ow from one another. Without faith, it's extremely diŒ cult – if not impossible – to self- lessly serve another person, and with- out this loving exchange of kindness, forgiveness can be quite hard. When I think of those couples who have strong marriages, faith comes fi rst for them. By placing faith fi rst, I mean husbands and wives who inten- tionally seek the Father's will in their personal lives and in the life of their marriage and family. This is done through the couple praying together and for each other. Those couples whose marriages bear great fruit have done this in di‰ erent ways. It can be praying the rosary together, reading and refl ecting upon the Scriptures together, or spontaneous prayer to the Holy Spirit as a couple. When husbands and wives take the chance to open their hearts to the Father and each other, and invite him into their marriage, they become united in purpose and receive the graces needed to respond to the chal- lenges that come their way. In his well-known book, Three To Get Married, Archbishop Fulton Sheen speaks eloquently about the way that marriage passes from its honeymoon phase into the deeper, more selfl ess form of love. He writes, "The deep ecstatic love that some Christian fathers and mothers have after passing through their Calvaries is beautiful to behold. True ecstasy is really not of youth, but of age. In the fi rst ecstasy, one seeks to receive all that the other can give. In the second ecstasy, one seeks to give everything to God."— This second characteristic of a lasting marriage is one that plays out countless times in parishes. Most often it occurs when a husband or wife devotedly cares for their sick spouse, even when they themselves are su‰ ering with an ailment. These people aren't just drawing upon their inner reserves of strength and love. If you asked them how they did it, they would tell you that they are only able to do it with God's help. The fi nal feature of successful marriages is that forgiveness is freely and frequently exchanged between the spouses. Forgiveness is both a decision and a process that takes time. This is where a husband or wife who have been selfl essly serving their spouse comes into the picture. Selfl ess acts involve exercising the will and intellect – the two powers required to forgive. When one spouse o‰ ends or hurts their spouse, the victim doesn't usually feel like forgiv- ing the o‰ ender, but they can engage their will and their intellect to decide to forgive. We see Jesus extend that forgiveness with his fi rst words from the Cross, "Father forgive them for they know not what they do." I recently heard a story from the—Made for Love Podcast in which a couple that had been married for over 10 years refl ected back on their early years. When they fi rst got married, they thought their love for each other would overpower any imperfections they had. But after several months, they saw that each other's faults weren't going away and they had to apologize far more than they ever thought they would. If they hadn't been able to decide to forgive each other, their marriage would have su‰ ered. Because they are practicing Catholics who desire to selfl essly love each other, despite sometimes failing to do so, they had the grace and virtue to forgive the other. The family, founded upon mar- riage, is the fundamental cell of society. Perhaps the greatest impact that we can make upon the future of our country is to form marriages that are lasting and fruitful. During the upcoming celebration of National Marriage Week, I encourage all who have discerned a call to marriage or who are already married to work on strengthening themselves through growth in faith, selfl ess service and forgiveness. May God bless and inspire all married and engaged cou- ples in the archdiocese to continue to give witness to Christ's love for the Church! PHOTO BY GABRIELLA MILLER PHOTO BY FATHER MATTHEW MAGEE

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