Issue link: http://read.uberflip.com/i/301854
80 Sometimes the pain and depression became so bad it scared me and I couldn't even breathe. Sometimes when I really didn't want to cry at all the tears would just flow down my face like a water- fall. I would hear Satan at times trying to lie to me, telling me to be angry with God, but I know Satan comes only to lie, to steal, kill and destroy our lives. In this case, Satan was trying to take any ounce of joy and turn it into anger and a feeling of hopelessness. I think back and I see clearly now how much time I wasted feeling sorry for myself, and how much I wished Bryant was here, instead of focusing on the good memories of my son and allowing God to show me purpose. I occasionally will resort back to how life would've been had none of this happened. But in reality it's all God's plan; we just don't have all the answers. I have had so many reasons to bring the pain back again and I believe that's normal when we are trying to adjust to our "new normal" life. When Bryant's friends and classmates were graduating in May 2008 and I stood on that stage knowing my son was not out there, and I was gazing out in the audience seeing the eyes full of tears and saddened hearts, I mourned for him all over again. You will have days that flood your thoughts with memories but it's in these times we have to find inner strength to have those thoughts and then get back to living. I have learned through the death of my son that I received two wake-up calls. The first wake-up call was from my husband telling me of Bry- ant's death. The second wake-up call was the truth of God's love and how he brings people into your life for a reason. God loves people through people. I have met so many who helped me. I have also been asked to reach out to other mothers who are suffering the loss of a child. I had a lot of serious reservations about reaching out to try to help another mother. The first time I realized I could help someone else was when a co-worker called me from out of state and asked that I