Untacked

102 ja n ua r y/ f e b r ua r y 2 015 U n tac k e d because just having the horse was enough. Just having the horse was everything. e barn taught me per- spective. when it doesn't rain, and the pastures don't hold up, and you can't afford more hay, it'll be oK. e rain will come next year, and somehow this year you will make it. it might mean a lot of hard decisions and sacri- fices, but that's life. e barn makes for a dif- ferent childhood experience. when all the other teenagers are out partying on a saturday night, you will be lying in the bed of a truck staring at the sky. You'll get to see stars how they are meant to be seen—by the thousands—not just the few that shine through the light pollution of cities. You will learn peace with the silence of the outdoors, and a kind of meditation that comes from hours of man- ual labor with nothing but wind and animals' breath as music. i remember learning that life isn't fair. i paid attention to every hair on my first horse, but i remember sitting and crying in a wash rack as he colicked. i stared in horror as the oil and charcoal we pumped into him spilled onto the ground, and i grappled with the unfairness of life and death. when, 10 years later, i sat next to my father as he was on life support, and i decided it was best to let go and take him off the machines, i didn't need to struggle with the existential questions of fairness. e barn had already taught me: life isn't fair, and neither is death. e barn has also taught me about unconditional love. e barn doesn't care what you drove to get there, or what you are going home to. it is a haven for those who give it their all, and it will take everything you have to give. it will take your immatu- rity and give you discipline. it will take your excuses and give you failure. it will take your dreams and give you opportunity. But it makes no promises, picks no favorites, and spares no hardships. e barn taught me passion. Very few people get to experience passion at its core, in the way that it is meant to be felt. not the passion of winning—that is superficial and relative. But rather the passion that you feel when you have nothing left but your love of something. e passion that's there when exhaus- tion steals your strength and frustration takes your hope. when all you are left with is this very moment, and yet you are at peace and fulfilled. at is passion in its truest form, and that is what fuels us in barns, and what sneaks into the souls of children and never lets go. at passion drives the thousands of adult amateurs to work 60-hour weeks and still ride, and the professionals to lose in grand fashion but show up the next day at 5 a.m. it's easy to get wrapped up in the side of life fueled by possessions and titles and bank account balances. it's easy to focus on what you don't have and who you aren't. But the barn will teach you better. You have what you have, and it has to be enough, so make do. e barn will build your soul, and it will give you all the gifts you need to be a good, gra- cious person. it is up to us to keep these things when we pass through the gate. if you related to any part of this column, you are lucky. many go through life never really feeling passion; they only have material posses- sions to try to satisfy their souls. But to the souls the barn built, life is about sitting in a warm rain on a summer day and laughing with your friends. it is about lying on the back of your horse at midnight, in a field, and staring at the stars. i wish i could give this gift to every child i work with. EssaY Eventer Kristin Carpenter, one of our most popular bloggers on coth.com, juggles the management of her own company, Linder Educational Coaching, with organizing the Area II Young Rider Advancement Program out of Morningside Training Farm in e Plains, Va., and competing at the FEI levels in eventing. She grew up in Louisiana and bought "Trance," a green off-the-track orough- bred, as a teenager. Together they ended up competing at the North American Young Riders Championships and the Bromont CCI**. She's now bringing Lizzie, another OTTB, up through the ranks. e barn teaches all the major lessons of life within its four walls and pasture fences. It doesn't take into account age, gender, race, education or family history. It teaches with the severity and grace of life itself.

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