Denver Catholic

15 DENVER CATHOLIC | MAY 9-15, 2015 S pring is fi nally here, which means wedding season is too My husband and I got married on a glorious spring day, and this April we celebrated three years of marriage. Leading up to our wedding, I was asked a question I bet most brides- and grooms- to-be are asked: Do you want to have kids right away or are you going to wait a while? For me, the answer would have real- life consequences because, as far as I could tell from my fertility charting, there was a very high chance that I would be fertile on our wedding night, the fi rst time we would make love. In answering this question, my fi ancé and I talked about the challenges of being newly married: the uncharted ter- ritory of our sexual life, the adjustment period of living together, the ever-pres- ent fi nancial stress of student and car loans, the worries of raising a baby in a small apartment, etc. So we decided to set aside one week to pray about what we should do. At the end of the week, we had both come to the same conclusion: go for it and trust God with whatever happens. I'd considered a few di¤ erent things as I was praying and discerning. The fi rst was the declaration that I would make on our wedding day. At the begin- ning of the Catholic rite of marriage, the priest asks the bride and groom, "Will you accept children lovingly from God, and bring them up according to the law of Christ and his Church?" Each answers, "I will." If I was going to say "I will" I wanted to mean it—that day. If we decided to wait a while to have kids, I would be saying, "I will but… I will if… I will when…" It didn't seem right for me to put conditions on my acceptance of children. Then I started delving into Humanae Vitae where Pope Paul VI speaks about using natural family planning (abstain- ing from making love when the wife is fertile so as not to conceive) to exercise responsible parenthood: "With regard to physical, economic, psychological and social conditions, responsible parenthood is exercised by those who prudently and generously decide to have more children, and by those who, for serious reasons and with due respect to moral precepts, decide not to have additional children for either a certain or an indefi nite period of time." The words "more" and "additional" made me consider that Pope Paul VI was likely addressing couples who already had children. In their situation, they could consider NFP and discern whether or not to have additional children. But I didn't think he was addressing couples who were deciding whether to "wait a while." Finally, I read this phrase from the catechism: "A particular aspect of this responsibility concerns the regula- tion of procreation. For just reasons, spouses may wish to space the births of their children" (2368). And I thought to myself, well, to have space between the births of children, you need to have a fi rst birth and a second birth. I didn't think the catechism was talking about the space between the zero birth and the fi rst birth. This last consideration might seem overly analytical (my hus- band sometimes calls me Spock), but I was really just trying to understand what the Church was teaching me in her wisdom. Besides all of that, emotionally I just didn't feel good starting out our married life with unnecessary barriers. Barri- ers that were built from fear, not love. Despair, not hope. Control, not faith in God's gift of children. I wanted to love my husband freely from the start. As it turned out, my husband and I went for it … and didn't get pregnant, but we were still happy and at peace about the decision we made. The process of answering the ques- tion "Do you want to have kids right away or are you going to wait a while?" challenged me to pray and listen to my conscience, to learn more about what the Church teaches about marriage and sexuality, and to trust in God's provi- dence no matter what. Why I didn't want to wait Laura Cramer works in Denver, and in her free time enjoys leading an Endow study group and discovering the majesty of the West with her husband, Kenn. Follow her at www. patchworkpapist.com. Guest Column LAURA CRAMER Laura and Kenn Cramer on their wedding day. PHOTO PROVIDED Emotionally I just didn't feel good starting out our married life with unnecessary barriers. Barriers that were built from fear, not love. Despair, not hope. Control, not faith in God's gift of children." LAURA CRAMER " Support Catholic schools This is my understand- ing: public schools have a school board and that school board it supposed to represent the people. Isn't that so? If most of the people worship God and pay taxes, why isn't he allowed in? Do you think every Catholic and non-Catholic child should have the oppor- tunity to learn the truth? That life begins at con- ception, that there are gender di¤ erences, laws of nature, that there is a God, and that it should be one nation under him? So, what can we do? Do you think we could con- tribute enough money to the Catholic schools, so anyone who would want to go can? What if everyone who tithes, increased it by 1 percent? Can't a¤ ord to tithe? There are other ways. If you're retired, you can share your talents. If you're receiving a pension, and have some free time, you can work or volunteer with the Catholic schools as teachers, aids, nurses, secretaries, kitchen, cus- todial, maintenance, even school bus drivers. Why not share your talents? Call your local Catholic school and share your talents. DANIEL KENNY Littleton Mary's not ordinary One phrase in the article "Raising genera- tions in faith" (May 2-8 Denver Catholic) needs revision. The article says that "Mary was an ordinary Jewish teenage girl." Yes, she was teenage and Jewish, but she was singularly extraordinary, immaculately conceived without original sin, more pleasing to God than any other creature and in the words of former Denver Catholic Register editor Msgr. Matthew Smith, the "Unspotted Mirror of God." PATRICK O'BRIEN Denver LETTERS Madonna Under the Fir Tree by Lucas Cranach the Elder.

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