Denver Catholic

4 OCTOBER 24-NOVEMBER 13, 2015 | DENVER CATHOLIC In-Depth Cover Single parent ministry begins WAYS TO HELP SINGLE PARENTS IN YOUR PARISH • Invite them to dinner • Invite them to go to parish events or Mass with you • Babysit • OŸer to help them in areas they might not have experience (ie, teaching a single dad how to braid his daughter's hair, or helping a single mom with home repairs). • Simply ask what they need S ingle parent ministries are not common in the United States. In fact, two separate women in the Archdiocese of Denver were only able to find one in the entire country. Despite this, both Terry King and Jo Holt resolved to bring single parent ministry to Denver. TERRY KING Terry King has been a single mom for 20 years. She fought to keep her family Catho- lic, even going so far as to get a court order to pick up her children early on Sundays so that she could bring them to evening Mass. King says that she wished that another parishioner would o„er to help or, better yet, invite her to dinner or a parish event. Even though she was struggling to raise her children in the church, she often felt like she didn't belong. "[Single parenting] can be very isolating, especially in the Church, believe it or not," she said. "Everything is aimed at couples, and it's all about marriage. It's hard to just show up by yourself." A few years after her youngest child went to college, King graduated from Denver Catholic Biblical School. She said she had been so blessed in formation and was so on fire for her faith that she knew she needed to give back. She began to look around for single parent ministries in the diocese she could help with. She didn't find any. "I Googled single parent ministries, and the only thing that came up was a parish in Texas," she said. She told her boss and fellow parishio- ner at St. John the Evangelist in Loveland, Bob Dehn, about her dilemma. He o„ered to pay for her to go to Texas and learn how to start a single parent ministry in the archdiocese. From there, King says things began to snowball. "It's been so cool. I just had this idea in my head, then my boss sends me to see it, and then I saw my pastor and he said, 'go!'" she said. The single parent ministry had its first meeting Oct. 9. King said the basic struc- ture of the meetings will include either a talk or social time, and then some kind of spiritual formation. She would also like the group to do service projects. "Even though we're needy, it would be good to go out and serve others. It takes your mind o„ your own needs, and it's what we're called to do, regardless," she said. She also hopes to find ways to inte- grate married families and singles in the parish. She said it can be especially hard for single parents to come to parish events, because they are usually aimed at two-parent families and single parents can worry that they aren't welcome. "It's good that single parents know that their place is right alongside the other families. They'll feel more comfortable going to parish things with someone else," she said. King said the support she has received has been slightly overwhelming. She said this has been a very healing experience. For example, when she addressed the parish after the Sunday Masses to tell them about the ministry, she was shocked at the many o„ers for childcare and other forms of help. "I just got up and said how isolated I have felt over the years, but I started to think that maybe I didn't need to feel that way," King said. "They're willing to support, but they didn't know there was a need to support." Regardless of what happens, she said she is humbled and excited to see how God has used her experience as a single parent. "I never would have thought that my single parenthood would have come to this--to something positive," she said. For more information on single parent ministries at St. John the Evangelist, email singleparentfamilyministry15@ gmail.com JO HOLT Jo Holt is the director of Marriage and Family Life at St. Thomas More Parish in Centennial. She was approached two years ago by a single parent who challenged the way she thought, so she began to read about single parents and Catholicism. "I was kind of surprised by some of the research I found," Holt said. "Sixty seven percent of today's single parents are not actively attending a local church." Holt polled the single people in the pew, and discovered there was quite a bit of woundedness in their relationship with the Church. She also discovered that single-parent families are much more varied than she had initially thought. "You usually think of single-parent families as being divorced, but that isn't necessarily true. In our single parent ministry, we have some who are divorced, some who are widowed, and some who never married but chose life for their child," Holt said. She said there are also military families with a deployed parent, or families where one parent travels for work for a week or more at a time. Holt used her research to develop a nine-month curriculum for single parent ministry. She said her curriculum includes working with single parents intensively for nine months, then send- ing them out to either guide other single parents, or help other ministries become more single-parent friendly. "It's our desire to form them, and then send them forth. We want them to go forth and bring this to other ministries, to lead other single parents," Holt said. She also said that all the single parents gather once a month for a social night. They use Flocknote to communicate the time and location of the event. Holt hopes to have her curriculum ready for distribution by January. She says she wants to see every parish in the country o„er some kind of support to single parents. However, even if a parish does not have the ability to o„er a spe- cific ministry to single parents, there are simple things they can do to make them feel welcome. "It seems like there are a lot of single parents out there who feel like they have been forgotten. Sometimes the omitting of something can feel like the exclusion thereof," Holt said. She suggested that parishes try to o„er childcare during events as much as pos- sible. She also thought that something as simple as a table at "Doughnut Sunday" with coloring sheets for kids could allow single parents to interact with other adults. She also said that homilies were fre- quently mentioned as a source of pain for single parents. She suggested clergy consider prayerfully discerning how they talk about families. "Do not abandon the truth about the importance of two-parent families, but recognize that single parents are in the audience listening. If you fail to men- tion them, along with their strength and courage, they might feel unwelcomed in your parish. We want to be a resource for single parents, not something they are running away from," Holt said. For more information on Single Parent ministries at St. Thomas More, email info@raisedinthefaith.com BY MELISSA KEATING 303-715-3123 | melissa.keating@archden.org www.twitter.com/mkeats42 Terry King with her children. King started a single parent ministry at her parish, St. John the Evangelist in Loveland. PHOTO PROVIDED

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