Pasadena Magazine

February 2016 - Beauty, Love and Money

Pasadena Magazine is the bi-monthly magazine of Pasadena and its surrounding areas – the diverse, historically rich and culturally vibrant region that includes Glendale, the Eastside of Los Angeles and the San Gabriel Valley all the way to Claremont.

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Money Talks Honest communication is the life-blood of any healthy relationship, and the emotional stakes are often never higher than when the conversation turns to money. STORY BY // ANDREW THORN, PH.D. ∫ OUR SON RECENTLY MARRIED A BEAUTIFUL YOUNG WOMAN. PRIOR TO THE HAPPY OCCASION, WE ENJOYED A WONDERFUL LONG DISTANCE ROAD TRIP WITH BOTH HIM AND HIS FIANCÉ. THIS PRESENTED US WITH THE OPPORTUNITY TO COUNSEL WITH THEM ABOUT THEIR PLANS FOR A HAPPY LIFE. Knowing that we had a captive audience, we made sure to address every topic. Nothing was taboo and we dug into the most diffi cult themes associated with forming successful relationships. Because we want their marriage to be a success, we willingly discussed the juicy facts and myths of our own marriage. We told them about the lessons we learned and how we learned them. It wasn't easy, but we put aside our fears of being exposed or embarrassed and gave them a full dose of what we believe they should know as they entered into their own marriage. The more we discussed the foundations of a successful marriage the more one specifi c topic bubbled up. You may have already guessed it: money. There is no doubt about it; money is a very important topic. Some surveys even suggest that it is the number one reason why marriages fail. Because we don't buy into that theory we made sure to offer a very different message. We told them with absolute certainty that marriages do not fail because of money they fail because most people don't know how to communicate with each other about money and for that matter nearly everything else. This led us to share with them a story from our own marriage. Shortly after we married, a woman's clothing catalogue found its way to my desk at my offi ce. I opened the catalogue and immediately noticed some outfi ts that I thought would look good on Stacy. I called the number and ordered the outfi ts. There were no birthdays or holidays to celebrate. I just ordered the outfi ts as a way of spontaneously expressing my love for my sweet wife. Stacy was surprised and seemed to like the outfi ts. When she wore them, people would ask here where she got them and she would say, "My husband bought them for me." To which the inquirer would respond, "Wow! I wish my husband would buy clothes like that for me." This feedback felt good. The next time the catalogue arrived, guess what I did. I bought more outfi ts. It became a regular habit and the feedback continued to be positive, at least externally. Secretly, Stacy did not like the way this practice was developing but she did not know HIDDEN TRUTHS. Honest, open communication is the key to a happy home. FEBRUARY 2016 69 T R E N D S I N C O M M E R C E A N D C A S H DOLLARS & SENSE dollars_Feb16.indd 69 1/20/16 2:47 PM

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