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how to tell me without hurting my feelings. One day when someone said, "You must love having a husband that does this for you" I heard her respond, "Actually, I do not." I was stunned. When I recovered and inquired why she disapproved she told me that she enjoyed the shopping experience, trying on clothes and se- lecting her own outfi ts. She told me that I was taking that away from her. Then she said that she felt like I was controlling her own ability to shop and buy what she wanted for herself. She said I was trying to make sure she didn't spend our money. I honestly had never thought anything like that. I was just trying to show my love in a way that I thought was appreciated. It was appreci- ated occasionally, but I was overdoing it and that made it burdensome for her. Sadly, we were not communicating ef- fectively about the gifts given and received. We weren't being clear about how we were using our money either. On that day I learned a valuable lesson. Money doesn't just represent money; it also represents love, power, control, self-esteem, freedom and so many other valu- able qualities of life. of feelings to get out of hand. It is much worse when the money we share is less that what we need. It is during those times that our stories and the way we communicate about money become even more critical. Please understand this truth; you don't need any money to be happy in a relationship, but you will never be happy in your relationship if you don't learn how to communicate. It is actually easier to communicate than one might expect. All it really takes is a willing- ness to love yourself and the other enough to share what you are thinking. The stark reality is that if you fail to share what you are truly thinking your partner will be forced to there fabricate stories to explain your behavior, and those stories will likely completely disconnected from the truth. Relationships that last are built upon a trust that allows each of us the opportunity to communicate what we are really feeling. This means that we each must believe that we are mature enough to handle the truth. When we trust in this way, our relationships deepen and so does our trust. When that happens, the stresses of fi nances, outside relationships, health crises and spiritual crises are no match for the vibrant and intimate strength of a healthy relationship. Dr. Thorn holds a PhD in Consulting Psychology from The California School of Professional Psychology, and a Masters in Business Administration from Pepperdine University. His third book Leading With Your Legacy in Mind: Building Lasting Value in Business and Life, reached # 1 on Amazon and was recognized as one of the best business books of 2014. Dr. Thorn travels the world helping Presidents and CEO's for over 100 corporate clients. If you would like to contact Dr. Thorn about his groundbreaking work on behavioral based leadership write to: Andrew@andrewthorn.com She was sensitive to the money that was being invested in her wardrobe and so it curbed her own shopping habits. She too was left to invent a story, "He doesn't want me to spend money. He wants to control me, so he is controlling our money." I am grateful that I learned this lesson before it was too late. Most importantly, I am grateful that Stacy was able to fi nally express her feelings. She withheld them for a long time because she was afraid my feelings would be hurt. She failed to communicate and so did I. I thought I was saying, "I love you!" She thought I was saying, "I control you!" Neither one of us was getting the message. I was investing a lot of money in this failed message. Sometimes it was money that we didn't have, but I thought I could show my love to her through those investments. I sensed some of her dissatisfaction but I did not understand it so I was left to invent a story, "She doesn't appreciate what I am doing for her." She was sensitive to the money that was being invested in her wardrobe and so it curbed her own shopping habits. She too was left to invent a story, "He doesn't want me to spend money. He wants to control me, so he is controlling our money." We were both wrong. Fortunately we fi gured it out before the feelings festered, but I want to illustrate how easy it is for these types 70 FEBRUARY 2016 T R E N D S I N C O M M E R C E A N D C A S H DOLLARS & SENSE dollars_Feb16.indd 70 1/20/16 2:47 PM