Denver Catholic

19 DENVER CATHOLIC | FEBRUARY 10-23, 2018 1 TAKE HER OUT FOR THE BEST SALAD IN DENVER Fasting and abstinence from meat are both important parts of Ash Wednesday and should be practiced as such. However, fasting doesn't mean you can't eat at all for that day; it just means you need to eat less (USCCB guidelines say one full meal and two smaller meals equivalent to a full meal). With that in mind, why not take your darling out for a salad? Not just any salad though – a delicious, gourmet, downright to-die-for salad. Denver is home to a wealth of restaurants that feature healthy, vegetarian options that are also delectable. Just Google "best salad in Denver" and see for yourself. 2 TAKE HER TO MASS AND CONFESSION It's the man's job in a relationship to the be spiritual leader and head of his family, and this same mentality applies to men who aren't married. Whether it's a crush you fi nally gath- ered the courage to ask out, a new girlfriend, or a wife of 10 years, the role of a man to ensure that special girl in his life has a clean soul doesn't change. Before you go scarf down that salad, take her to confession and get some ashes together at your parish. 3 CUDDLE UP TO THE PASSION OF THE CHRIST While the Passion of the Christ isn't exactly your typical "date movie," it is the ultimate love story. Watching this extremely visceral depiction of the sacrifi ce Christ made for man- kind on the Cross serves as a potent reminder of what we are all called to as Christian husbands and wives. Cud- dling is optional, but remember: this is a movie about Jesus. 4 GET HER A BOX OF SALMON HEARTS Because who doesn't love getting a box of treats on Valentine's Day? Granted, a box of salmon hearts may be a bit, um, fi shier, than the contents of a box of chocolates, but at least you know you're still well within the bounds of your Ash Wednesday obli- gations when indulging in them. 5 OFFER UP YOUR PENANCE DURING LENT IN SERVICE TO HER Finally, it would be wise – and quite chivalrous – to consider making your penance during Lent something that benefi ts her. For married cou- ples, this could mean oš ering to do some sort of household chore each day or taking the kids in the morning to let your wife sleep in a little bit. For dating couples, it could mean being more intentional about doing some- thing little each day to let her know that you care about her. Whatever the Lord calls you to, it's virtually guaran- teed that doing something along these lines will only benefi t your relation- ship with your signifi cant other, and what's not to love about that? How cheap sex changes religious practice C atholics understand sex as a mutual giving of self, which should express the love and fruitfulness of marriage. The mutual giving that occurs in sex has led some to speak of the "eco- nomics of sex," which reg- ulates the exchange that occurs between the couple. Sex was "expen- sive" when it required a serious commitment in return, but recently has become "cheap," with very few strings attached. Mark Regnerus' Cheap Sex: The Transformation of Men, Marriage, and Monogamy (Oxford, 2017) describes how this change occurred. He details how the combined impact of con- traception, pornography, and online dating have changed dramatically how we think about and experience sex. Regnerus uses extensive research to present a picture of changing sexual practices and their impact on marriage. He describes his core argu- ment as follows: "Cheap sex is both an objective fact and a social fact, char- acterized by personal ease of sexual access and social perceptions of the same. Sex is cheap if women expect little in return in return for it and if men do not have to supply much time, attention, resources, recognition, or fi delity in order to experience it" (28). People now expect easier access to sex, but do not experience the depth of intimacy and happiness that comes from the commitment of marriage. Why should Catholics care about the book? The book confi rms much of what we've been hearing about the decline of commitment among young Americans. It can be di‚ cult to read at times, both because of the depress- ing state of relationships and also because of the explicit nature of the testimony of some of his interview- ees. Nonetheless, the book provides an important narrative that links the major factors that are quickly and fundamentally changing marriage and family life. Also, although it's not his primary focus, Regnerus also draws some important connections between changing views of sex and religious practice. This religious impact can be seen in two ways. First, "porn use . . . deadens religious impulses," leading to diminished "religious/spiritual aspirations" and "growth in religious doubts and declining personal impor- tance of religion" (127; 128). Why? It seems that "ease of sexual access— real or virtual—has, if anything, deadened men" in general (127). This includes lower motivation for work, for the di‚ culty that come from rela- tionships with real people, and less interest in God. This general dimin- ishment of masculinity has led to a decline of marriage and fertility, as men do not mature and do not invite confi dence from successful women. The second major impact of cheap sex on religion comes from declining church attendance. Regnerus tells us that "married persons comprise 68 percent of all weekly attenders between 24 and 35" (185). As few younger people marry and prefer to cohabitate, they also "drift away from religious participation." In fact, cohabitation "is toxic to religious behavior," while cheap sex in general "has a way of deadening religious impulses" (185; 187). The more young people engage in new sexual practices the more likely they are to turn away from Christian values and to embrace gay marriage and other more per- missive positions. In fact, Regnerus argues that religious practice in America has gravitated toward a more individual-centered spirituality that matches these views on sexuality. The greatest concern for Chris- tians may come from undermining of the very nature of sexuality and marriage. Regnerus talks about how many young people are still inter- ested in marriage, but nonetheless "are taking fl ight from" it (191). Sex has become an ineš ective vehicle for pursuing personal fulfi llment, drawing our country more deeply into secularism and loneliness. More sex does not equal more happiness, but precisely the opposite. Marriage is good for people and it draws them more deeply into the Christian life of sacrifi cial self-gift. Ironically cheap sex erodes even the natural founda- tion for sex itself, as it pushes men and women further apart, leads into virtual unreality, and undermines the genuine good of eros, our natural sexual desire. "Better sex costs more" (105). It should cost everything—drawing us into a complete and lasting gift of self to another. Cheap sex is self-defeat- ing, as it leads us away from the genu- ine happiness we fi nd in loving others and also in God. The Catholic Reader R. Jared Staudt, PhD, is a husband and father of six, the catechetical formation specialist for the Archdiocese of Denver, a Benedictine oblate, prolifi c writer, and insatiable reader. DR. R. JARED STAUDT Salmon hearts. Give it a few years, they'll be huge.

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