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material goods, more wordily aspirations. The more I pushed in this direction the more I felt it. I was unhappy. I was not depressed, per se, but I was unhappy, unsatisfied and had no idea how to fix it. I had everything the world said I should have, so what was wrong with my life? When my son was a few months old, my wife's grand- mother Edith died. Lindsay felt compelled to return to the Church because this is where she thought she could be close to her grandmother. Edith was a faithful Catho- lic. She attended daily Mass and had a robust prayer life. Lindsay longed for this too, but it was first expressed in her desire to be united with her grandma. Lindsay found what she was looking for, and slowly she was changing. She was finding herself in the pews, and there was a quiet joy about her. I stayed away from the Church, obstinately. This was not part of the plan I laid out, so why should I try this route? Months went by and that's when it hit me. I couldn't fix this…I couldn't fix myself. My wife and son were on a new trajectory, but without me. They were changing, shedding the idea of happiness of the world and finding true peace in their relationship with Jesus. I remember the day I hit rock bottom, I was locking my front door as my family was waiting for me in the car and I told God in des- peration and frustration, "Fine…I'll do it…I'll go all in and do everything the church teaches for a year…but you gotta show me something…if you're real…you gotta let me know, or I'm gone." I had bought into the idea that I could create my own happiness if I just did what the world prescribes. The more I tried, the more it failed. God was speaking to me and acting in my life, and while I was deaf to his voice, I was beginning to feel his touch. ⊲ I had bought into the idea that I could create my own happiness if I just did what the world prescribes. The more I tried, the more it failed. God was speaking to me and acting in my life, and while I was deaf to his voice, I was beginning to feel his touch." 5 DENVER CATHOLIC | FEBRUARY 2022 PHOTO BY JAMES BACA