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He looked at me and said, "But I just want to be your friend." Pierced by his words, I was speechless. I looked at him for a brief moment, realizing I had just encoun- tered Jesus himself in the distressing disguise of his poor. Breaking the gaze, I checked my watch to confirm the time, wished him a good night and proceeded to my car. I sat there, stunned and ashamed of my own poor love. In Book 2 of Dostoyevsky's The Brothers Karamazov, we find the elder Zossima accompanying countless monastery visitors searching for his presence, wisdom and intercession. During one such visit, Zossima con- fers with a mother who is suffering due to her daughter's illness and the insufficiency of her own love as she attempts to care for her sick child. Zossima responds to her with words we can each take to heart when faced with the fragilit y of our own capac- it y to love. "Never be frightened at your own faint-heartedness in attaining love. Don't be frightened overmuch even at your evil actions. I am sorry I can say nothing more consoling to you, for love in action is a harsh and dread- ful thing compared with love in dreams. Love in dreams is greedy for immediate action, rapidly performed and in the sight of all. Men will even give their lives if only the ordeal does not last long but is soon over, with all looking on and applauding as though on the stage. But active love is labor and fortitude, and for some people too, per- haps, a complete science. But I predict that just when you see with horror that in spite of all your efforts you are getting farther from your goal instead of nearer to it - at that very moment I predict that you will reach it and behold clearly the miraculous power of the Lord who has been all the time loving and mysteri- ously guiding you." It is beautiful to idealize loving others because Christ loves us, but it can often be a "harsh and dreadful thing" to live the realit y of the ideal. We come face-to-face with the limit- edness of our love in circumstances that demand that we actually go beyond ourselves. In that moment outside of the Cathedral, I discov- ered that this kind of love is difficult. I tried to love based on my efforts alone and was found wanting. In his first letter, John the Apostle exhorts his f lock to "love because he first loved us." He goes on to say, "If anyone says, 'I love God,' but hates his brother, he is a liar; for whoever does not love a brother whom he has seen cannot love God whom he has not seen" (1 John 4:19-20). So often, we live in the comfort of our personal relationship with the Lord and choose to forget that the Gospel commands us to love God and one another, to love each other because of our love for God and (most importantly) his love for us. The man outside of the Cathedral knew that command and personified the Lord as he invited me to risk encountering the povert y of my ' brother' with my own povert y, revealing the Gospel imperative of charit y. Stunted by the results of my self-centered love, the Lord reminds us today that he desires to love through us, in us and with us. Jesus enters into our realit y to reconcile us not only to himself but to one another as well. As Zossima advises that mother in search of his paternal wisdom, he reveals to us "the miraculous power of the Lord who has been all the time loving and mysteriously guiding" each of us. This is the grace to ask for: that the Lord may love each of us and that we may subsequently be guided to participate in the mysterious ways of his love for his people, our brothers and sisters. ⊲ 8 APRIL-MAY 2025 | DENVER CATHOLIC