Denver Catholic

12 MARCH 25-APRIL 7, 2017 | DENVER CATHOLIC TAX FREE DONATE FROM YOUR IRA Help The Society of Saint Vincent de Paul help those in need with an easy Tax Free donation from your IRA. Contact Jean Finegan at The Catholic Foundation to fi nd out how. 303-867-0613 BY THERESE AAKER M arriage is a beautiful voca- tion. Too often, though, many see it as the fulfillment of personal happiness or just a life mile- stone to reach — but it's so much more than that. Marriage is a mission: a call from God for the greater good of each other and the world. It is a vocation, a state of life which has a particular way of loving and serving God. Like any vocation, its mission is ser- vice: service to one's spouse, to any chil- dren that come, and to the community the family lives in. In his apostolic exhortation, Famil- iaris Consortio ("The Fellowship of the Family"), St. John Paul II said, "Each family finds within itself a summons that cannot be ignored… Particularly today, the Christian family has a spe- cial vocation to witness to the paschal covenant of Christ by constantly radi- ating the joy of love and the certainty of the hope for which it must give an account,'" (FC 17, 52). It's no small thing, to raise a family in a world like ours — it's a joyous respon- sibility and tremendous gift. So if you're getting married, or hope to be one day, here's what you need to know to prepare for the mission God has called you to, according to priests who guide marriage preparation and a few people who have been there. KNOW GOD, KNOW YOURSELF. One of the most important things to do to prepare for your future vocation is to know yourself and know God. Seth DeMoor, founder of OneBillion- Stories.com, said that this self-growth is crucial to grow in holiness in general. "Know yourself, which means turning the digital world o© more, get to know yourself through prayer and sacraments, get into spiritual direction," DeMoor said. "Certainly keep God at the center [of any relationship], and if both the guy and the lady are heading toward God, eventually, you'll meet in the middle." Father Scott Bailey, who does mar- riage preparation, agreed that knowing ourselves and putting our relationship with God first is the first step. "Make God the first priority…[singles] have more free time, so work on making him your first love," Father Bailey said. "Know yourselves and know what you want — especially women. They too often can compromise…it's important for people to know what they do want." Growing in virtue is also invaluable preparation — especially the virtue of chastity. "If a couple cannot make progress in chastity, they're not ready to get mar- ried, because marriage also requires chastity. If a couple or individual isn't able to make a sacrifice for the other person, then you won't be ready to [do so] in marriage," Father Bailey said. WORK ON COMMUNICATION. Communication, next to prayer, is probably the most important key to making relationships flourish, and in our tech-heavy world, it can be easy to get caught up in the instant gratification mindset of communicating. Rather than having conversations in person or over the phone, we text. Tex- ting is easy. What's hard is vulnerability. "Vulnerability is painful and it's easier to lock your heart away," Father Bailey said, referring to the song, "Hello My Old Heart" by the folk band, The Oh Hello's, which talks about hiding our hearts from pain, and therefore, love, as a result. "I think our younger millennial generation seems to struggle with inti- macy…we desire [it] but seem to close [ourselves] o© to it…people don't share the important things and over-share the unimportant things," Father Bailey said. Father James Fox, pastor at Good Shepherd Parish, has been doing mar- riage preparation with couples for over 40 years — and had some valuable advice. To grow in communication, start with "putting away your phones and talking." "There has to be transparency. You can't be afraid to share a fear, an expec- tation, a hope," Father Fox said. "No two people will know each other completely before they get married, but there does need to be transparency. We can't go into marriage having expectations without partners knowing what they are." Four things you need to know before you get married Around the Archdiocese Your mission, should you choose to accept it… IF YOU'RE ENGAGED, REMEMBER WHAT'S IMPORTANT. Engagement can be an exciting time. But rather than getting caught up in the all-too-easy cycle of perfectionistic wedding planning, remember the pur- pose of marriage: to help your spouse get to heaven. Cheyenne Becker, who is engaged to get married this spring, said that this is most important thing to rememeber. "[Ask yourself,] Do I love this per- son's soul? It's a feeling and a choice and an act, but at the end of the day, it's a commitment of the heart," Becker said. Engagement is also an opportunity of deeper conversion. "Getting married requires two con- versions. As soon as you tell someone you're getting married, you realize it's not just for you…it's for a community of persons," Father Fox said. "The second [conversion] is [realizing] that not only is it not their wedding, but it's not their marriage alone; God has a plan for their marriage."

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