Denver Catholic

10 JULY 22-AUGUST 11, 2017 | DENVER CATHOLIC In-Depth Wish to express our gratitude to our Chaplain Deacon Jay Garland May our Lord watch over him and bless him always. ® Court Madonna of the Mountains #2035 @ St. Jude Catholic Church, 9405 W. Florida Ave., Lakewood CO BY THERESE BUSSEN I n honor of NFP Awareness Week, which begins July 23, let's talk about sex. Natural Family Planning (NFP) is o›ered as an option to help Catholic fam- ilies either achieve or avoid pregnancy, including spacing children. Training in NFP is required for marriage preparation in the Archdiocese of Denver, but after that, it's not much talked about outside of certain circles. But it's a very important part of family life for many Catholics — and, like family, it is both beautiful as well as hard and messy. And it is worth it. LIFE AFTER MARRIAGE PREP Jenny Uebbing, who writes at Mama Needs Co›ee, a blog connected to Catho- lic News Agency, recently wrote, "What do you want/need from the Church in order to live NFP?" and the resulting comments from readers were eye-opening. Many people are seriously struggling with living it out. Their crosses come in all shapes and sizes, including infertility on one end of the spectrum and super-abundant fertil- ity on the other, making it hard to space children apart. Medical problems, feeling isolated from instructors, finding trained doctors or other like-minded people are just some of the other common hardships. "People are so hungry for support from the Church, who they're trying to be faithful to," Uebbing said. "And a lot of people are feeling that the Church doesn't have anything to o›er past mar- riage prep short of an emergency inter- vention when they're on the brink of divorce. There's no middle ground." One big realization from the blog post was that "our expectations of marriage are rooted in a Protestant understand- ing," Uebbing said. "It's white-knuckle chastity until marriage, and then once the rings are on, all bets are o›," Uebbing said. "There wasn't really a category mentally for chastity within marriage." Another big takeaway was that while it can be easy to slip into a contracep- tive mentality with NFP, trying to avoid a pregnancy or space children for "just reasons" as the Cathechism of the Cath- olic Church (#2368) notes shouldn't be looked down upon, either. "I'm so grateful the Church doesn't have a list of [what just reasons are]. And she never will, because she is our wise mother who is raising adults, not a pre- school teacher with a list of classroom rules," Uebbing said. "So it is up to them, but also depends on each couple sub- mitting their will for the marriage to the Lord and asking, 'What do you want?'" COMMON STRUGGLES The journey to holiness in marriage is not without su›ering. Some of those crosses come as people practice NFP. "The biggest struggle I've seen with people is just that we live in a contra- ceptive culture. So no matter how you slice it, you're going to get pushback," Uebbing said. Medical issues are a common strug- gle. Uebbing knows couples who have to abstain for extensive periods of time due to serious underlying medical issues. "If they don't want a baby, they're looking at years of abstinence. And it's heroic, and it's something that God has called them to particularly in their marriage," Uebbing said. "It's not some- thing that any of us would plan for in our marriage, just like we wouldn't plan for a spouse to get cancer, or for a child to struggle with mental illness." Mental illness has been a struggle in Uebbing 's personal experience: After each birth, she su›ers from severe post-partum depression, which is one of the reasons their family spaces their children, simply so her mind and body can heal after delivering. "A super-abundance of fertility is its own kind of cross, and it's easy to look at a family with six or seven kids and think, 'Well, they must have been made to have a really big family,'" Uebbing said. "I do love my children, but there's not great material support, or even psychological support for families who are in that situation." HOW THE CHURCH CAN HELP Following conversations with readers after her NFP blog post, Uebbing spoke to friends who are priests about ways the Church can better support couples who practice NFP. "One piece that was really clear was that we need better formation for our priests on a seminary level. I have some really interesting conversations with priest friends…who had no idea that there were di›erent methods," Uebbing said. "One said, 'This would be helpful information to have in the confessional when I'm counseling people pastorally.' If we're asking our priests to accompany married couples, they need to know the nitty-gritty." "Few people take advantage of talking to their priest. There is no question that can't be asked," said Father Timothy Hjelstrom, pastor of St. Louis Parish in Louisville, Colo. "Priests should become familiar with it beyond the technical aspect of it. And couples should be willing to talk to their priest if they have questions or struggles. We're not here to be condemning," he added. Uebbing said that there should be "real material support" for people who practice NFP. NFP in real life: Hard, but worth it

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