SEI Women's Network

#HERSTORY | 22 1 Apologize without saying "I'm sorry." Jovanovic suggests trying to flip that "sorry" into a thank you. Instead of "Sorry to be such a Debbie Downer," say "Thanks so much for listening." We can eliminate the "sorrys" from our sentences—and still be considerate. "The next time you bump into someone," Jovanovic says, "you could say, 'Go ahead,' 'After you' or 'Pardon me.'" Similarly, during a meeting, Jovanovic says, "Instead of saying, 'Sorry to interrupt you,' why not try 'How about,' 'I have an idea,' 'I'd like to add' or 'Why don't we try this?'" The idea is to be polite while not minimizing yourself. 2 Be direct instead of apologetic. Kathy Caprino recommends getting into the habit of being a bit more assertive about what you know and want, rather than acquiescing or being overly accommodating. For instance, instead of "Sorry, but I don't think I see it that way," a more direct response would be: "That viewpoint is really intriguing. I have a different take I'd like to share." Instead of "Sorry, can I have this chair?" try "Is this seat taken?" 3 Know what you should apologize for. The word "sorry" doesn't have to (and should not) disappear from your vocabulary entirely. Recognizing when you are at fault and being able to apologize well is important, as explained by John Hall, contributor to CNBC.com, in "Stop saying 'I'm sorry.'" Admitting you're wrong, while not easy, can strengthen your relationships and show that you have emotional intelligence, according to Hall. If you couldn't control the situation (stuck in traffic), however, no apologies are necessary. 4 Download the Just Not Sorry plugin from Google Chrome. If you want a notification each time you use a word or phrase that undermines your message in an email, this plugin will give you a quick explanation of how your words might undermine your message. Do you apologize when you bump into someone? Of course you do, and that's good. But what about when you haven't done anything offensive? "Sorry, but I don't agree." "Sorry, but I'm stuck in traffic." In an article by Daniella Balarezo on Ideas.Ted.Com, she discusses Maja Jovanovic, a Canadian sociologist who studies the "sorrys" people say throughout the day. Jovanovic believes that over-apologizing can actually hurt us. We can appear weak, timid and unconfident. SORRY, BUT WHAT CAN WE DO? H OW TO M O N I TO R YO U R " S O R RYS " SORRY, B U T… D O YO U S AY " S O R R Y " W H E N YO U D O N ' T N E E D TO ?

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