Issue link: https://read.uberflip.com/i/1184562
USICERINKS.COM NOVEMBER.DECEMBER.2019 / 25 Here's why: when people are upset about something, they can become engaged in the battle. At that point, they lose perspec- tive. They stop trying to find a resolution and begin to focus on finding a way to win. If you become engaged, you become part of the problem—not part of the solution. TIP 2: Set Ground Rules for Talking You've probably seen people engaged in a conflict. Everyone tends to talk at once. Each person is shooting verbal arrows at the other and very little listening happens. So, set some ground rules for talking—and listening. The best rule is that one person talks at a time while the other person must listen. Reassure everyone that they will have a turn to talk and ask questions. TIP 3: Remember, it's Always Personal People are seldom upset about what they say they are. It's usually all about hurt feelings or bruised egos. You can help people resolve their conflict by recogniz- ing this and getting them to express their underlying feelings. A simple apology can work wonders. TIP 4: Agree on the Problem It sounds simple, but it's powerful to iden- tify the actual problem that is causing the friction. During a dispute, people tend to talk at each other. They don't really talk to understand. You will be able to agree on the problem when you've really talked and listened to how each side views the issues. When you can agree on the problem and write it down, it is very likely that you will also be able to find a resolution. TIP 5: Break it into Bite-Sized Pieces How do you eat an elephant? One bite at a time! The same is true for conflicts. When you feel overwhelmed by the problem (or the emotion involved), try breaking the problem into bite-sized pieces. It's ok to start with the part of the conflict that is easiest to resolve. Get that part resolved and you will have a history of being able to resolve conflicts together. Then take the next bite…and so on. TIP 6: Brainstorm Ideas for Resolution It's said that two heads are better than one. This can really be the case when you work to find a way to resolve a con- flict or dispute. Have every- one brainstorm their best ideas for resolving the problem. Make sure everyone has given you at least a couple of ideas. TIP 7: Select the Best Solution After brainstorming, you will begin to see patterns (just look for the ideas that get repeated). Discuss these ideas and explore their feasibility. Maybe there is a way to execute one person's idea and still give the other side what it needs. The main thing is to stay focused on resolution—not winning. TIP 8: Agree on a "Fair" Degree of Responsibility "This is really gonna cost you…" or "I have really been damaged!" Don't begin your argument with costs or the threat of a penalty. Such statements usually exacerbate the conflict and the dis- pute grows more heated. Wait to discuss money or penalties until way after you have agreed on the problem, brainstormed potential solutions, and can see that you are coming to an agreement. Only then should you begin to discuss what would be a fair distribution of responsibility (who will pay what and when). Try to integrate these eight tips into your personal approach when managing on-site job disputes. With practice, you will be considered a trusted leader with the wisdom to help others find the path to peace. J Sue Dyer, President of OrgMetrics LLC a professional partnering facilitation firm. , Stay focused on solving the problem, not winning an argument.