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94 3. BARGAINING - This is a trickiest of stages where your mind begins its creative work which can be good and bad. This stage can occur before a death if you have a sick child or loved one. You may find yourself focused on what you could have done differently in order to prevent the loss or change how it happened. You may also think about all the things that could have been and how wonderful life would have been if your child or loved one had not died. These thoughts may help you begin to accept the reality of it all but this is also where some of us may get stuck and unable to move further in the grief journey or begin to move slowly into depression. You may begin to have feelings that can also lead to guilt that interfere with healing. Nothing will change by harping on the "what ifs" or "only ifs," so use the bargaining stage to change you by showing a better appreciation for life and honor your child or loved one by being the best you can be for others. 4. DEPRESSION - When we have no bargaining power left, our emotions begin to enter deeper level of emptiness and sadness. You feel like you don't care about much of anything and wish life away. You may find simple daily activities are difficult or just not im- portant like skipping the teeth brushing routine or just lying in bed because getting out of bed can be a huge burden. Your friends and family will try to help get you on a faster road to recovery in this stage, but there is no time limit on staging. I tried everything to move past depression but nothing worked. This may be the time to seek counseling or medication if your doctor prescribes it because it's important to know that this isn't a mental illness and you're not going nuts, yet it's a natural response to your loss. It's not a clinical depression we're experiencing, but rather bereavement and mourning, and the emotions of depression must be experienced in order to heal. We have to let ourselves feel the pain, sadness, hurt, loss, grief, and mourn. You may want to Avoid Isolation as much as possible. When a person is hurting, they often just want every- one to leave them alone. They build protective walls around them- selves, not only to keep other people out, but also to guard against unwanted emotions. By not allowing yourself to cry or get mad you get stuck in depression and can't move forward to acceptance.